People were talking about "Aha!" moments in life, a la Oprah. Life's full of lessons but there is one defining moment that changed me forever more. The particular situation of how this starts out might not be something everyone can relate to though whether or not you got into fist fights in school, getting pissed off is pretty universal...
Growing up in the countryside where I did was a lot more rough and tumble than what most kids grew up with. Girls weren't necessarily so fragile, tomboys might rough and tumble right alongside the boys. Kids in school always found it amusing when a new girl from out of area started a fight, thinking scratching and hair pulling would do the trick, ill prepared for where girls fight like boys.
At the end of lunch one day a girl confronted me. I've long forgotten her name, one of those school mates you just never got along with. I don't remember why she was mad, something pushed her to the breaking point. I had never known her to get in any fights the couple of years I had known her, she wasn't a fighter so far as I knew.
Personally, I had enough on my plate. I was in enough of a pickle at the time, I really couldn't afford to get into any more trouble, the consequences of which would have been... Severe. So there I was, in front of all my friends, her friends, in front of the whole school out for lunch... Challenged to a fight I had no interest in getting into but no way you want to look like the chump with everyone there watching. They say you should just walk away but that's just not a great option in reality when you still end up looking like the loser. Or should I say, Loser.
Thoughts fly through your head faster than things happen around us. A million thoughts can go through your mind in milliseconds. In that moment, walking past the cafeteria, in the moment of decision all these thoughts poured through my head. I couldn't afford to get into a fight. The consequences of my getting into trouble was not worth getting into this fight. I don't even like you! You are not worth my getting into trouble for you, whom I don't even like.
The moment seemed almost in slow motion as all these thoughts poured through my brain. What else could I do if I wasn't going to kick her ass? In that second of time and a million thoughts later, without missing a stride I turned back to look at her, snort-chuckled and said, "You?" shaking my head as if in disbelief, turned back around and kept on walking. Dismissed.
I snuck a second look over my shoulder after walking away and the look of pain and complete and utter horror on her face was the most satisfying Burn ever! And I didn't even have to do anything! Kicking her ass might have had it's satisfying points but Nothing compared to scoffing someone off as not even worth the attention. With less risk of injury or trouble with the law!
Alright, typically we're not getting challenged to physical fights but this conflict aversion trick has served me well over the years. Nothing is more infuriating that being ignored. The trick is not just to walk away, the key is to dismiss them and what they're saying as beneath you, not worth the time of day. Though I later reconsidered the wisdom of turning my back on an irate subway rider... In retrospect, there are some crazy people in this town it's a better idea to keep your eye on! Hah.
As satisfying as that burn was, the Aha! moment came in that slow motion millisecond before walking away. Fist fights in school aside there are plenty of times assholes and stupid people, stupid things want to piss us off. Maybe it took that rock and a hard place to make the consequences clear but that thought has had a lasting impression over the years. I don't like being pissed off. Being upset isn't an enjoyable use of my time. Before I let some dumb bloke push my buttons I'll usually realize that whatever it is, something I don't like and don't care about is not worth the bother.
Live life well :-)
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